even my farts smell like vagina
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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