soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
