I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
