at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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