I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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