I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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