Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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