he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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