i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
