Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
