I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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