Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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