Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
