My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
