90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
