god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
