Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
