I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
