I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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