She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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