I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
