Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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