i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
