I just cut my nipple shaving
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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