he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
