another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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