your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
