I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
