some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
