How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
