I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
