hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
