All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
