I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
