We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I need to stop coming to work sober
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
