I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
