Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
either way he was missing a nipple.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
