why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
