May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
