Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
