you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
