I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
