Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
