Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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