Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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