I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
40s are totally the cure
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
