If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
