If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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