I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
