Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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