My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
